oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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