My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
