it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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