see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
