I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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