Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
