Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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