Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
