he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize