We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
