Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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