Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
