my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
