1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
