I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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