could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
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The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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