Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
