also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't deserve a penis
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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