We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy