My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.