believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
