im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
