After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
