I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
