Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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