Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
