Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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