The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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