How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
