Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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