Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
