Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
