I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
