sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
