Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
