If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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