I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize