We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
