Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
