i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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