are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
