Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
