Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
