Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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