I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
