I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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