I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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