my mouth tastes like poor choices
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
