i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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