I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
