I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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