Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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