It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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