I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Well I just put wine in my tea
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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