He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
