my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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