yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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