handjob tips. give me some.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
