I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
A bitchslap is in order.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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