he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
