The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
