It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
