Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
