Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
