Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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